Work- 8.5/5

"I come here and a lot I see
Different people they all be,
Don't know if I have it in me
Success is all I wanna see;
Work is all I thought it would be
Never thought there wud be frendz here for me,
Help and knowledge they give a lot to me
People around is what unites it to me"

I have always maintained this and I still do-this organization has some of the best people I have met in my lifespan of these years (stupid if u think u wud get me to disclose my age..) I used to hate the place when I first came here, what?? an outbound?? why did they have to organize this-jobless people..I can never mingle with people I have met for hardly 2-3 days, forget about having to spend entire 3 days with them..glad I got somebody who feels the same way as I do, so we both stayed away..(only now I realize how snobbish we must have appeared then to the rest and dont think will ever be able to forget it coz my dear frend wud lose no opprotunity to remind me of it..)even God cudn't bear our attitude ne more I guess, so our 3-days outbpund was cut short to 1 and a half day..i m thrilled and so is she.. ma n papa had to leave that very day, was i sad? yes i was inspite of been in the hostel for 4 years i guess i still miss them always..and i can never see tears in ma's eyes, they always bring tears in mine...

Since 8th august a lot of events flowed - my trainings in mainframe, yes that was one awesome team-very energetic and smart as well,sharp contrast to my team then-very subdued though very focussed as well, yes that's what i call people who wud remain glued to their monitors, it wud take u some effort to see them smile, i said smile ok not laugh..did they know to spell "laugh"? but then see the word “then”.. my battle to get my team changed and those endless sleepless nights thinking about whr my career was heading towards? but then times changed, decided to see my work the way they wanted me to see, it was not all that black but how a single star in a black sky can't light up the world for long is a matter of great debate, what say, wanna start ;)

And then I decided to work, yes I did work ok..i started liking what I was doing, yes like scripting , just love to explore the functionality and then see ur scripts do it for u, still can remember how “datatype” was added in my application-the first script I wrote for this place..but then some few scripts followed and then the execution series, yes used to love it , found it challenging as well for a while but then a true Gemini I am , need to see things changing which hasn’t been happening always but at times I do think the organization doesn’t work for me , I work for it..so maybe I’ll have to find out avenues to learn and improve and not rely on it to teach me , right? And then my first award , was this better than ur first salary, yes it was inspite of no cash with it..come on everybody got their salary damn it but the award was for a few..u might call me a kid, come on its just a small award , so what ?? hopefully I wudn’t stop with it, so watch out here I come..

“Through years I spend I wanna learn
In knowledge always I wanna earn,
With everyone here I have lot of fun
I want the show to always run”

As-if a frend...

"The first day U said "hi"
I dint bother to reply,
I thought no matter how much we try
Our frendship wud never ply;
Wrong I was and glad I am
Through destiny that we met surprised I am,
Frend, I need u to be always true
A lot I care for u and will always do"

so there back to blogging again , cudn't have missed this one person who I've known since some months and like i always tell him, "How well do I know u??", no maybe I do , maybe I don't, just wanna say no matter how u r , i like the way u r with me..very true, netime i think of u this is the only word that i can think of now (yes i know before this the word was decent, that's why i say "now"..dont ask me what's coming up next ok??) , somebody whom i trust so much , since i know u won't be reading this i think i can say, or infact i wanna confess that i have not always thought very well of u initially and i somehow dint always think u were the person to be relied on..i always wanted to maintain a distance from u , thought wud make all efforts to make sure don't get close to u..but no i wud have been away from "the little priviledges in life" had i done so..
yes i forgot raksha bandhan but ok i still remember how much u cribbed abt it and infact still do..yeah right, u are the brother i have always wished for..u don't act that ways though ne time, u think u are very matured, yes i hate to accept it - u r sensible but i still like the times when u behave like a kid..still can't forget how much u kept on yelling at me to give tips on impressing a girl, idiot..u don't need tips, u r a charmer, yes i think u had used it for me once when u spoke about me to some frend, right? but lemme tell u, it also applies to u..one of the most handsome guys i have ever seen, somebody whom i like lots..getting so used to u now , fighting with u everyday, our arguments on that one topic (yes disgusting that's what i feel abt that topic..) , my cribbing about u not giving me time..honestly speaking don't wanna tie u to my expectations coz i know u do every effort to fulfil expectations of many others , so somwhow wanna let u free and do things u wanna do..there are many people who care for u, dunno if i make a difference to u, i know u will get offended at me for saying this but want u to say that more often...love u lots.............

"A lot in u I have to confide
Dunno if it will change the flow of the tide,
Knowing u, U'll still hold tight
But make sure U teach me the right;
Fate of life U can never say
Dunno if tomorrow will be gay,
Wish u a life full of happiness and gay
Prayers for u I will always say"

U've got mail..

"Stranger I think you are,
Very different from me you are
No matter how true you are,
Rules of destiny they are"

Heard people making frendz thru chatting and always found it weird coz suspicious Gemini I am, find it difficult to trust people with whom I have been thru ages and this person is a total surprise package for me..The last I remember of him before we started exchanging mails is hmmm..lemme think..hmmm..hmmmm..think hard...yeah thinking....hmmm..nothing.Hey come on, I hardly remember how I looked when i was in 3rd standard ok so spare me if I can't recall my classmate and esp that classmate whom I guess I ever spoke to, yes we hardly spoke to guys then , find it funny though now , was I a female superiority preacher as a kid and hated all mcps, dunno..bullshit..u think i cud think so much as a kid but yes u never know...One fine day through orkut (that reminds me for once I think I shud be grateful to my company gateway to restrict access to this site or else i wudn't have been bloggin now, can I hear my computer keys yelling at me and my mouse heaving a sign of relief...never mind..who cares...), I get this mail and i read it twice (yes honestly!!) and I am surprised to see his name "can we be frendz again?" well when were we frendz then?? never mind I say , hey wait the last I remember of him was that he was the most decent guy and the most studious guy then in my class..And then the strings of mails flow and they keep on flowing till date , dunno where I am heading to, dunno and very confused, just know need to make my parents happy and happy they will be if it happens, think he feels the same way but u can never say coz we always see the river flowing in the direction we want it to flow, well if u don't agree to this I dunno but this is what a true optimist like me feels..so let's wait and watch and won't lie , keeping my fingers crossed..

"I dunno if I feel any think for u
Just wanted to say U r too gud to be true,
To make the first move I say I want it to be u
Together we should make our walk through life turn true"

r u listening??

"I lay my first step and see u r thr
To make sure the world won't scare,
Through all these years when I look back and stare
Not a time I could see when u weren't thr;
All the hurdles in life I feared to bear
U made sure U teach me to dare,
In ur eyes I could see how much U care
Thanks a lot for always being thr"

yeah right, so they r supposed to do it, right..yups that's what many say but is it easy? when u have to miss things in life u want to do becoz ur daughter has a test tomorrow and she wudn't study a word without u being there, this is just one instance, endless are the days when i have seen u put down things becoz of me..thanks , that word says it all but how many times have i told u that?? such busy we r, yes that's the excuse i put up always huh..do i lose an opportunity to show my gratitude to a frend, do i forget to say a thanks to the rick-driver who drops me to work, then why haven't i said it to u, aren't u more important ..oh yes i need to correct myself, u r the most important for me, i have never said it but trust me i have always felt it, not because of the things u do but because of the endless ways u show how much u love me..

won't say haven't done things for u though but yes agreed no comparison to ur affection..can't forget how much still i miss having the apron on me and the sthethoscope around my neck but then maybe i m better-off as an engineer but...

life with its small surprises..yes do i need to compromise on this..but why shud i think it of that way, aren't u both happy with it? so sorry i wud reframe it as smthing u want me to do and smthing which i wud like to do becoz that makes u proud and happy of me..that's the best way i can rephrase it, hope that sounds better though..

"Endless years of life I sit here and see
Its gonna be hard but I think I have it in me,
U be there and never leave me
In life U make all the difference to me"

entry in an unknown territory

"Life with its twists and turns
Nowhere do we ever learn,
A mystery it is which lies unfold
Facts about it I wish I were told"

Bangalore: the chain of events since July 21st makes me wonder if life wud have been better or worse elsewhere. Its like i grew up by some massive years here, though I wish I had been given time to live throught the lessons of life. Thought 2006 wud be a happening year for me , for once wasn't left disappointed from the very first day but did i want to be happy this time? wudn't my life had been better without this change..what happened after was worse, thought had found my first frend in B'lore , oh me n my assumptions and my stupid conlusions driven from them..got the biggest blow of my life , never thought i cud make such a big mistake at knowing somebody, no actually it wasn't one, its just that that person is so scared of commitments even with his frendz, watver, just know that he still means a lot to me and will always do, i wud always be there for him..

I have always felt that I never know how to deal with frendz, dunno why they tell me happenings in their lives, is it becoz they think i will spread it around coz I talk so much or is it that they trust me not to discuss it with others without their consent.stupid of me to think its the latter, dunno why but don't wanna discuss it, don't know how people can be so selfish , learnt that don't think everybody in this world's nice, there are lot there waiting to prove u wrong..

but like every other mortal on this earth shud forget about the bad in life and cherish ur frendz who's been there for u always..my frend for 5 and a half years, weren't the best of frendz then but even remember those saturdays when she wud oil my hair and we wud end up discussing our lives for hours, she's been there when i needed her most and unlike many others, hasn't dicthed me ne time, not that we don't have arguments but yes at the end of it all, we know we r there for each other.I have seen her views about a lot of things change here, some for the better but some with which i find it difficult to agree though..

if i talk about the nice things, i have to mention my frend..well dint think we cud have been so close , always thought here was somebody whose true face i wud never get to see, somebody who makes the best effort to be politically correct always but he's proved me wrong, dont remember the last time when i was glad on being corrected though..he's one person who wud never show his emotions, always keeps his true feelings to himself, he wudn't show if he's angry and no hints given if he's upset..somebody who i think wudn't fear to be very true about ur actions, i know i will defnitely be reminded by him if i think i made a blunder without nebody noticing it, somebody who's always given me an unbiased opinion about everything i share with him,there are lots,frend which i think i shud tell u, i care for u lots , i know i don't say it often but u do make a difference by being there always..don't like the arguments we have, hate to discuss that topic with u, don't know myself how to handle it but somehow don't want her to be hurt as well..yups this is one matter which i m so confused about, knew her for a couple of months, was really nice coz we got close really fast, in fact i always thought she's a lot like me but then there were a certain things which i think she shud have been honest about and that brought all the misunderstandings between us..just know one thing won't want my frend to be hurt by nething stupid this girl does always, hey did i mention if i ever had a brother he wud be exactly like him..
lot many more people to talk about, how can i forget my frend at faraway land and yes my mom's fav also deserves some mention,right?

"U say I am yet to see what lies beyond
I know there's a past I shouldn't hold on,
I think the path ahead is bright if my patience is held strong
U say there's lots more I need to explore on"